The Jack Factor

The Blog: Queen of Her Own Universe

First Impression: "Boooiiiinnng!"

Appearance: This is another of the lovely and cheerful blog templates by Chic and Sassy ( who's site can be found to the left in the "Need a Template" section) The design if fantastic in the way it just oozes Jasmine out of it as she is a self proclaimed Queen of the Universe. The colors are great, everything is very neat and not a fucking thing should be done differently. I particularly like the separate post boxes with a slight change to the background behind them. Yup. Good lookin' blog you got there, Jasmine.

Content: Well. I'm not even sure what to say about a woman who chooses her treadmills at the gym by what's playing on the television closest to them. Or, the chick who feared that not forwarding a chain letter would result in chronic yeast infections. What do you say about a woman who refers to her diet as "the battle of the butt"???

You say, "Fuck yeah!" because this here is a prime example of one of the greatest human beings on earth. Hands down. And this is how it works:

Mix Oprah, Ellen DeGeneres, and some random hot chick and you have Jasmine.She is somehow warm and intelligent even though she thinks the world revolves around her she is absolutely fucking hysterical. Don't believe me? Take your ass over there and see for yourself.

Jasmine writes about everyyyyything. Her love affair with Flava Flav even though she is quite possibly the whitest woman on the planet is priceless. The imagery you get as she describes herself as the giggling dufus falling all over herself in the back of her yoga class is brilliant. She refers to the very worst days of pms as "Black Wednesdays" regardless, I have to assume, of whether it is actually Wednesday or not. (You ladies aren't on THAT tight of a schedule are you??)

And... she considers her sense of smell a "talent". Genius. Nothing further to say about that.

Except: She awesome!!! Husband Steve and Daughter Alex are very lucky to have her energetic and humorous existence in their lives.

What I love: She is a refreshing burst of excellence.

What I hate: Not a damn thing.

One Word:"Energy"

Suggestions: Nothing. Keep the posts coming!

Final Say: Readers of The Jack Factor, behold!!! There is a bright light out there and you must follow the light to the glory that is Jasmine!

(This blogger had no steal-able image to use so I used one of my favorites from her posts. As strange as it may be that this was one of my favorites, it is so because now I think I'm going to have to head to the Home Depot and do this to my stairs as it's fucking genius.)

The Blog:Burning The Ground

First Impression: Oh my god.. is this one of those "cat" blogs????

Appearance: I'm a bit of a color pimp and so I think that the white background on this blog needs to go however, I love the post boxes. A lot. If there is a way to maybe change the white to a pale, pale bluish gray, it would soften things up a bit. White always sort of blinds me and makes me feel like I'm in a hospital or maybe the Himalayas.

The sides are lovely.... various blue stripes paneling down both sides of the blog although I think the blue should be changed to a different color. Her font is red, her post boxes are gray and beige and her sidebars are four different shades of bright blue. Great setup, whack colors. All the sidebar content is very neat. No clutterbug here!

Scroll up those categories, though and maybe get some graphic artwork done as deco... perhaps some photos or image links. Basically, this is YOUR blog.. make it your own!

Content: I seriously thought at first that this is a cat blog. Do you know what I'm talking about? There are HUNDREDS of these things... blogs written by humans pretending to be their cats.

It is not a cat blog.

Somebooooooody has a poooootty mouth...lol. I adore a really lewd blog that has curse bombs dropped frequently throughout. Call it a personal preference if you must but I just feel that people who aren't afraid to write what they are thinking are fantastic. Clearly, Pawpads is very unconcerned with offending anyone and this is good because it means that there is no bullshit coming from it. It is a bullshit free zone.. wuzza!!!

This is one of my favorite types of blogs. I love someone who writes about random topics each and every day as opposed to having a themed blog which can get pretty boring. Pawpads is definitely one of the random writers and she does it well. Her words are just colorful enough and descriptive enough that she can keep you interested during a long rant or ramble or just as interested in a post that is two sentences long.

It's not so easy to do that as some people might think.She literally writes about whatever the fuck grabs her attention whether it is something current happening in her life or just something that has grabbed her attention and she makes it grab your attention, too.

Pawpads is pretty sassy and she makes me laugh. I imagine that to know her in the real world would be e very big adventure.

One Word:"Sass-Tastic"

What I love: The random leap from subject to subject.

What I hate: The blog colors.

Suggestions: Change up those colors a bit and do a little visual tweaking to add your personality to your blog. As for writing, you've got a good thing going here!

Final say: She will hate me for this, but she is one English-woman who comes off as being an American woman with her bold outlooks. I rather enjoy the hybrid-like feel of her writing. Read this blog and you will be alerted to some pretty weird shit and this is a good thing :-)

The Blog: All Grown Up... With Nowhere To Go

First Impression: How very cheerful! I enjoy the colors very much!

Appearance: I love this template and I love the organization of it. (perhaps it is my foot fetish showing??) Everything is very well placed and there is a spot for everything. I would also like to mention that this template was designed by the blog owner and it is very impressive for reasons I will get into in a second.

Content: This blog is written by a young girl from India. It was started from what I can tell, when she was 17 and she is 18 now. As a result of her age, the entire blog comes off as being very sweet, very innocent and really quite charming. Lemonade writes about very common issues and occurrences in the life of someone her age, attending college and relationships. She is intelligent and unafraid to discuss anything and everything she is feeling.

As I was reading this, I was half amazed by her and half just really drawn to how down to earth she is. This blog is, essentially, EVERY 18 year old girl only Lemonade has no issue with exposing this mystery. It reminds me of all of the things I was going through at her age, only wasn't coming out and saying because I'm a guy and we just don't do that.

This is a "journal blog" although the posts aren't boring in a way that a lot of journal blogs can be. Lemonade is far more visual in what she is writing and, god, she is just a sweetheart. She loves her friends. She loves her family. She frets over people not thinking that she has anything valuable to say. In real life, she is more emotionally private and as a result, people have accused her of being detached and cold, but these people clearly are not taking the time to know her by reading her blog. Maybe they oughtta as they would then know the person that I met while reading... the young lady with a lot of emotion and a ton of depth and passion.

There is no major drama here and if there were, she does a very good job of coming off as though she handles it. In fact, the word I think of when I think of Lemonade is CAPABLE. I get the idea that this is one seriously ambitious woman and if there is something out there that she wants or wants to do, she is gonna go for it.

I want to mention something here although she did NOT request a review on this, but... she has another blog. Lemonade got a hankerin' to learn how to design templates and went ahead and taught herself how to in a very short period of time.

Her work is unbelievable for someone who just sat down one day and said, "I'm going to become a graphic designer.". In fact, the template that I love so much that this blog is written on was made by her. I found a link in her sidebar to her other blog where she showcases her templates and naturally I went to dig through it. Her designs are fantastic and it is a true testament to what kind of girl she is that she not only offers them up for free use but also designs custom templates for those who ask.

She JUST turned 18 and produces this kind of work. What an ambitious and "unafraid to work her fucking ass off to do something she loves" kind of girl.

What I love:Her innocence. Her lack of fear in expressing herself. The fact that she doesn't seem ashamed to come right out with the craziness that is life at 18. She is very open here and doesn't leave anything out.

What I hate: Hate would be a strong word here and I'm not even sure this is worth mentioning, but there were times when reading this blog (and again... it took me a while to do this review because I read the WHOLE thing)that I thought her writing was a tad immature. She has a tendency to "text message" write in her posts and sometimes as I was reading I could almost hear her accent. For example, she writes TAT instead of THAT and so you hear her nationality in her words. Which is not a bad thing at all but I thought I'd mention it because had I just read one or two posts, I would have thought she couldn't spell. I had to remember that she is a)from India, b)18 fucking ears old and c)writing a blog in english.So, if you keep it real here, there is no real reason why it should be any other way.

Suggestions: Forget about Sanjaya, Darlin... he sucks balls.

Final say: You're a doll. Real, honest, innocent and sweet as sugar. Great blog, FANTASTIC designs. You oughtta be charging for them :-) Keep up all this hard work and going after what you want and you could rule the world someday.

(She didn't have a steal-able picture from her template theme and so I stole my favorite picture from her blog, the infamous Afro Man 2 Way Door stopper)

The Blog: Gaijin Girl

First Impression: At first glance, I loved the look but thought I was going to bored shitless. But I was so very wrong.

Appearance: Well, it's a gorgeous blog. Gaijin Girl has done me proud when it comes to layout and design. The colors are vibrant and engaging and there is much texture to her background. I must know who made it so I can give them a shout out.

Allow me to just say this one thing real quick. Gaijin Girl's archives are listed as "My Monthly Cycles" and for a brief moment, I sort of worried that she was just insane enough to think that everyone in the known universe wanted to be kept up to date on her period. Which is actually pretty fucking funny if you ask me. And since you DID ask me, I'm tellin' ya.

Living in Japan has taught this chick a bit about feng shui (is that from Japan??) because her side bars are as neat as they come. Short links lists and a giggle for her blogroll titled, "That's just the way I blog roll". It is this kind of wit that made me decide to just start right at the beginning of this fucker and I've been deeply lost in every post for the last four hours.

Content: Gaijin Girl, I seriously wish that I had videotaped me reading your blog because you really need to see for yourself how much you cracked me the fuck up. Seriously. I started as I do with all the blogs reviewed by reading and taking notes of things to mention. Well, I have abandoned my list for your blog after I filled about thirty thousand pieces of printer paper with such scribbles as "inappropriate dry humping compulsion", "what the fuck is up with all of these creepy two headed children photos?" and also, "lives in what she will now call 'Tokyo'". And of course, there was the afro boy door stopper and the funky ass Japanese toilets.

For those of you reading this review, I guess I should have mentioned before now that this chick is living in Japan for a year to teach English to the the natives who aren't as short and skinny as she thought they'd be.

But back to the review... where was I... oh, yeah. I was also cracking up laughing at the weird people caught accidentally in the backgrounds of photos taken of friends. To be completely frank, here, every goddamn post was something that made me say, "Fuck! I wish I had thought if that because that is the funniest shit ever!"

I live in Japan, now. Not really, but Gaijin's blog does a great job of making me feel as though I'm really there with her gawking at the atrocious shit she sees in stores and marveling at the unidentifiably questionable cuisine.

At one point, I was reading her post that was 100 things about her and about halfway through I wrote on my little paper here "STOP READING NOW!!!" because I didn't know how I was going to narrow any of it down to write a critique that makes a lick of sense.

And as it is, I'm so excited about this blog that I'm rambling and going off on tangents, so allow me to get back on track.

One thing in the content is that you, Gaijin, have figured out the genius behind getting people to interact with you on your site. Oh, I've noticed and if it's unintentional then I'm going to tell you now that ending each post with a question is a fan-fucking-tastic way to engage your readers and make them feel compelled to leave comments. Which... has them coming back for more. You're so damned smart.

What I love: I love that her posts are written probably in the same way that she is thinking. She is just descriptive enough to make you feel like (or wish that) it was happening to you. This is real life, folks. She's on an adventure and holding nothing back.

What I hate: Fuck you. I really need an opportunity to bitch about something and you have given me nothing. You suck for being so un-sucky!

Suggestions: Fuck you some more. I got nuthin'. Except I may suggest you ditch the hubby in Japan and come on over here and we can wrestle :-)

Final say: People... go and read. Sit down with a cocktail and put down the Harry Potter book and just start at the beginning and read this shit. You will learn some things and laugh a lot. Another great fucking blog, goddamn it. And who cares that she is a lousy driver?... She has an 8px digital camera and is using it to show us the finer things of Japan, ahem-Afro Boy!

The Blog: Humble Tidbits Of Vacuity

First Impression: I thought this was going to be a tech blog. It has sort of the "look" of a tech blog. But then you find out that it's not. A tech blog.

Shut up and keep reading. I promise to make more sense.

Appearance: As I just said, tech blogggg!!! In fact, I said that in a very high, warble-y falsetto and I even said it out loud. For the record, readers, this IS NOT a tech blog (!!!!!!) at all, it just sort of looks like one. Which would cause me to pass it up without reading it if I had found it by clicking on the next blog button.

I like the little cartoon duder a lot. It seems to fit this guy, but the header does not. It's a well made header, but it is the main and first reason that this blog seems unapproachable which is a shame because if you actually start to read then you will be pleasantly surprised.

From reading his posts, I can tell you that his background used to be black. Now it is white. Kevin, the world is not always so black and white. Ha! But seriously, your background could use some color. Not anything too bright or too bold or outrageous, but just something to soften the feel and make people want to sit down and read. Warm it up a bit. Your blog doesn't have much clutter or junk filling it up and so I would suggest a sort of earthy, toned down color like gray, beige, chocolate color, sage green, deep red.... Something nice and inviting. I tend to suggest bright colors to people who have very busy sidebars but as yours is nice and clean, you don't want to blind anyone. I hear a lot of people say that they don't give a damn what their blog looks like but I think that it's like inviting someone over to your house. You don't want people there (and they don't want to be there!) if your place is filthy and looks like shit. Make it inviting and people will want to stay.

Pick a color first!!! Then, make a header that suits the mood. Trust me... a little color is a good thing!

As I just stated, you have very little clutter and to be frank, your blog seems to be a pretty accurate reflection of you. You seem like a no nonsense kind of guy who doesn't like to waste time with trivial shit and your sidebars scream this about you. I appreciate this but you might just be my rare exception when I say... maybe you should stick some more stuff in there. And I don't even say this because I have a problem with the appearance of your blog. I say this because you have quite a good canvas here and could make a damned fine little space for yourself. When I say add some stuff, I'm thinking that after you pick a color and after you have a good header, then make or have someone make a couple of small graphics that MATCH your header and put them spaced apart in your sidebar template. This will help to add some depth to the overall look and feel without making it look fucking ridiculous or by adding a ton of buttons and things you probably don't care for.

You have a good thing going here but you need to make your blog a place where people will feel compelled to stop for a read because once they start reading, they'll likely never leave.

Content: Um. You are fucking hysterical. As I sat reading through your posts, I laughed out loud about every ten seconds. Your sense of humor slays me as it borders on slightly sarcastic to downright silly-isms to random ludicrous ideas. When I read the bit about how you like to watch television commercials only imagining the word "motherfucker" at the end of each one (e.g. "IcyHot. Make pain and scent a vanishing act, motherfucker")., I spit my coffee right the fuck out of my nose which hurt like hell but I didn't care because that shit was funny.

I found myself laughing like this throughout your entire blog and, granted, I haven't read every single post, but I have cruised the archives and stopped every couple of posts to have a read but I WANT to read every single thing you have written in here. Let me tell you why:

You, sir, have mastered the fine art that I talk about all the time to fellow bloggers about how any great writer can turn absolutely nothing into absolutely fucking awesome. I highly doubt that there is a topic out there that you couldn't write about where I would not be highly entertained while reading. However, I'm on to you, buddy. Actually, anyone who reads your blog is onto you because you are ridiculously honest and it is very easy to feel as though we know you just based on your work.

But, this blog is not all funny. There is much more to it than that. Kevin is as honest as it gets to the point where it seems as though lying or deceiving would simply exhaust him and therefore, he comes right out with the truth. He manages to be self critical about his abilities as a husband without coming off as someone fishing for compliments and it is very moving, actually. I envision Kevin exactly as he comes off in his written words, a friendly guy, slightly prone to bouts of social anxiety disorder who can most often be found with his nose in a book. This is the person you see as you are reading, but you also see a curiously attentive man with a kind heart, an honest soul, a lot of compassion and a fucking brilliant sense of humor and timing.

The word I would use to best suit Kevin is "UNSUSPECTING". He creeps up on you which is why you just might be taking that sip of hot ass coffee at the worst possible time imaginable. Here you sit thinking your reading a post about this guys day or whatever random subject he is going on about and then, BAM! Something he says has you being scraped off the floor by a coworker or a family member where you lie laughing your fucking ass off.

He is genius in this way. I think he would make an awesome playwrite.

What I love: The unbelievable amount of personality that shines through each and every post.

What I hate: The unbelievable lack of personality in his template.

Suggestions: See suggestions made up there in the appearance section and other than that I must beg you to NEVER CHANGE the way you write. Seriously. You are brilliant.

Final say: Frankly, someone needs to come along with a blog for me to review that is just so shitty that I wouldn't want to wipe my ass with it. So far, I've been requested by some seriously fantastic bloggers and Kevin, my man, is right there at the top of this. People, I must insist that you go and get your read on because Kevin here is some good shit!

The Blog: The Couch

First Impression: "Whoa! That is a SERIOUSLY busy blog!"

Appearance: Alright... Let's get this portion outta the way as it will probably be the only really critical thing I have to say here. I *might* not be the biggest fan of the layout of this blog but this is just me. After reading through this guy's work, I feel like his writing is so good that he doesn't need to distract from it with so much clutter. HOWEVER, he obviously has quite a following of people who don't mind a bit and, frankly, if clutter doesn't deter people from reading your blog then who gives a rat's ass.

I like the header a lot. I love the transition of images of Bond throughout his life starting as a child to current. Whoever made the header did a great job on it and it suits the personality of this blog really well.

Sigh. Sidebars. Yes, one of my pet peeves are cluttered sidebars but I will say that although there is a LOT of stuff taking up space here, it is done in a fairly orderly fashion. Sort of. My biggest complaint is the presence of many, many tiny little couches that sections off each and every individual thing. Now, I like the couches and I love the personal touch that they add, but I think there are too many of them. I'm thinking that if everything in the sidebars were organized with all images on one side and all links on the other side, then it would be easier for readers to navigate throughout the actual content and find what they're looking for without having to browse each and every time.

I also think that maybe instead of having a graphic advertising, a blog talk radio show button followed by a tiny couch followed by an award button followed by a tiny couch... etc, etc... maybe there could be tiny couch sections. For instance, take all of your support buttons and linky buttons and put them in between two of the tiny couches instead of following each item with one. Does that make sense?

This is also a prime situation to suggest something that I will suggest a lot: scrollerbars or scroller boxes. In Bond's case, scrolling would take away from the sidebar content with one exception: The blog roll. This guy has a shitload of blogs he recommends and obviously loves these blogs enough to not only link them, but offer a short sentence about what the blog he is linking is about as well. This is awesome as it helps people know what they would like to be reading about and it also shows the bloggers why Bond think they are the shit. However, I would do that up in a scrollerbox. Simply because Bond just loves so fucking many blogs. Ha!

The same tiny couch issue I'm having in the sidebars, I also have in the posts. Sometimes, they are few and far between and then other times there is a couch after every paragraph and when the paragraph is only two sentences long, you become very distracted by the giant couch images.

I like the colors on this blog and feel like they are comfortable and fitting. The overall appearance of this blog reminds me of one of those super genius people who stay in their house all day and read. Like, there are piles of books everywhere. It is a cozy, yet manic feeling.

Content: Shit, Bond.. You are one COMMITTED blogger. I'm sitting here reading through your posts and you are fucking insane! But, in a great way.

Bond is the most thorough blogger I have ever read. I'm not joking here, folks. Say he is writing a post about a particular band he likes (and there are many as he is an avid music lover). The post WILL include images, music players, detailed history of the band and why he thinks they are the shit, any historical info about the band, great moments in band history and even a huge list of albums and song titles to include the copy write years they were put out. That... is some serious devotion to your blog. He clearly wants people to have every aspect of gaining knowledge that they can and he tickles the senses of learning like crazy.

This kind of detailed posting tells me something: Bond is either quick as hell or has the fastest fingers on the planet. Or, he takes HOURS to write a post. I seriously am blown the fuck away by how committed he is to his writing. Holy fucking cow, my friend.

Detail aside, let's talk about the quality of his content. Bond has themes that he runs on certain days of the week that go over topics like sports or music but he also writes posts about.. well, about everything, really. These posts are so refreshingly balancing the brain exercising you get from the stat posts and it is in these posts that I think this guy shows his colors.

To be blunt: Bond puts most bloggers to SHAME. This guy has NO BUSINESS keeping his words solely on-blog. There needs to be a book out there. Really. You think you can write? Read Bond's work and then compare yours to his and then ask yourself that question again. He will make you feel retarded.

Obviously, he is a very intelligent man, but more importantly, he is extremely down to earth, open, honest, tactful and endearing. If I were a woman I wouldn't just hop in the sack with him... I'd be wanting the fucking ring on my finger. He's a keeper and coming from a totally straight guy, this says a lot.

I spent hours reading through Bond's Matinee posts and I have yet to finish them as they are long, long, long. These posts are just another testament to his writing skill and they are like cliff hanging mini stories where you can't wait to read what happens next. Well, haha, fuckers because I didn't have to wait. I got to get lost in them and what a fun place to be lost. Who knew someone could mix sexiness and dark, twisted horror so well??

It's been a while, Bond, buddy. Maybe you are pressed for time these days, but we need another installment of the Matinee and pronto.

What I love: The detail. The way he words things. The way his true personality can be found within each sentence he writes. The way you read this blog and feel like you have just found your long lost best friend/brother. You wanna go take in a ballgame with this guy. Ladies, you'll wanna take a long fucking walk on the beach with him. He's just an honestly likable guy.

What I hate: Too many tiny couches and lack of sidebar organization.

Suggestions: Like I said before.. I'd just section things off differently and make it easier to navigate. Many people who have blogs with so much clutter drive me crazy, but I tend to be a lot nicer about it when the writing (which is most important) is fantastic. As is the case here. Also, reduce the amount of couches in your posts. They distract from the great writing!

Final say: Here I go with my beloved analogies again, ha ha ha. Bond's blog is like a community. It's like being at a family barbecue and if you are new to his blog then you will quickly discover that you want badly to be a part of this family. He is open, thoughtful and has a lot of depth to him. This is not a blog that I simply recommend, but I encourage people strongly to dive right in. GREAT blog!! And very deserving of the awards it has recently received, btw.

The Blog: Whatever Blows My Skirt

First Impression: Fuck. I hope that she is as hot as this cartoon chick on her header. Also, the first post I saw was titled, "In Your Face, Dick!" which immediately spiked an interest in my eyes (pants). I already loved her before I read any further.

Appearance: Well, I will be goddamned! This is a good looking blog if you ask me and there are many, many reasons for me thinking so. First of all, the colors are fan-fucking-tastic. Just when you think that that has the potential of being an obnoxious shade of blue, you realize that it certainly would be if not for the other colors complimenting it. In plain speak, the colors go really well together and me likey.

As far as the actual design of the template, me likey that also. It's cute and clean and well made (if you would like one by the designer, she links her in the sidebar). Basically, this template had the potential of being really cheesy but it's not. I've seen a lot of them with similar themes only the designs were shit and, really, you can only look at crappy graphics of "ladies of the night" so many times before you want to smack someone. This one is different as it isn't "ho-ish" in the least. In fact, I found it so pleasant that I think that NOTHING should be done to it. At all.

Sidebar content is fantastic. Granted, her links list goes on for fucking ever, but in this case it works as there is little else to distract from it and it's done so neatly that it goes with the feel of the blog. She has a few gadgets and widgets and sidebar artwork but it is listed so well with everything in order of size and theme... ha ha ha. It's like someone who has scrubbed the shit out of their closet and organized it into a masterpiece.

The downside is that she has a bit of advertising in there as well. I'm not sure what her reasons are for the ads but, again, they are not so obnoxious as to take away from the comfort level of the page.

Content: From reading through her archives up until present, this is a woman to respect. The blog begins with her stuck in a shitty marriage to an abusive asshole who needs to have the shit knocked out of him. She left the fucker and took her young son and moved the fuck on, which she very well should have. There are many posts that sort of chronicle this transition from married mama to single mama and to be blunt... I don't know how the fuck she does it.

But the blog does not end there. EC comes off as being a woman who snatches thoughts out of midair and slaps them in her writing. There are so many subjects discussed in here that any time you click you are reading something different and it is both refreshing and intoxicating and... very, very real. She writes how life happens... moment by moment, good,bad and everything in between whether it is a tirade of some shitbag she knows in the land offline or some television show she is obsessed with. Mix in there a few drunken posts and you have a winner.

What I love: Her. She is so fucking REAL that it is unbelievable. It is all honest writing. Sure, it could be a mommy blog, but it's not. I see that she seems to have some self doubt in her parenting but in my opinion,she is right where she belongs in this department. Her kid is awesome and her ways of describing her ordeals with him are priceless. This is a blog where no parent need be afraid to be themselves. I don't see any judgement coming from her.

What I hate: Nothing, really. If possible, can the ads, but if they are there for a personal reason then they are not intolerable.

One thing I don't get and it could just be me, but I can't seem to click on any individual posts. I'd go into your settings and enable post pages.

Suggestions: Enable post pages and don't change a fucking thing else. Oh, and unless you get oodles of spam, I'd take off the word verification on your comments. On Blogger, they glitch a lot and annoy people. But if you are the Queen of Spamalot, then keep it.

Final say: EC rocks the fucking Kasbah. Check her out!

The first blog I shall be reviewing is one that I got off of the next blog button since that seems an easy fucking way to find a random blog to review. I can't wait until I don't have to do that anymore as I feel sort of like I'm raping this poor girl's blog.

The Blog: http://absinthedreamers.blogspot.com/

First Impression: My first thought when I clicked on this blog was the main reason I decided to review it instead of clicking the damn button again. It was dark and angry looking and I very much expected it to belong to some 20 year old kid with an obsession for cutting herself. Instead, after reading through just the first page, I realized that this chick is wicked cool and I'd probably get wasted with her in real life if she'd allow me to. She is smart and funny as hell but sharp as shit, too.

Appearance: I'm just "eehh" about the appearance of this blog. I appreciate the dark colors as it seems to fit her personality but I'm not such a huge fan of tons and tons of sidebar buttons. I don't mind when people have them, but these ones are sort of all over the place. There is a lot of stuff in the sidebars and it wouldn't be so bad if it were more organized. Also, the archive links are just insane and something needs to be done about it. I love the header but I have two minor complaints about it: The size and the font. This particular header would look much better as a banner that crosses the top of the page instead of just the center panel of the blog. And this font is just too fucking cheerleader-y for this chick and for the image. Someone needs to go and do her a favor and fix that up a bit.

Content: What I might find issue with in appearance, her content makes up for it. This is an extremely telling blog and after cruising through archives for a large chunk of the morning I can assume many things about this person: She is fucking intelligent as hell, wit that can sting like a hornet and she is completely shameless. There are no apologies here for what she is thinking and saying. It is 100% honest and she is the real deal. As a fellow potty mouth, I appreciate her excessive use of some words your mama don't wanna hear but they are used to stab emphasis onto what she is saying instead of just being an opportunity to curse. She writes about a really wide variety of subjects; music, movies, politics, family and friends and then she sprinkles random globs of hysterical nonsense throughout. This is NOT a shallow woman in he slightest and it is impossible not to love her.

What I hate: I cannot stand all the junk in the sidebars.

What I love: I love the honesty and the unapologetic content of her writing.

Suggestions: Fix the header and clean up those sidebars. I recommend using scrollers and making separate sections for everything like buttons and archives and shout outs. Then, once you have everything sectioned off, scroll them up. You can find actual boxes to contain things but I don't like those as much as just embedding the code to scroll everything as it is on your page. A great place to generate a custom scroller code is http://www.nutrocker.co.uk/scrollbarcolor.html

Final say: Marry me, Starrlight. At the very least get drunk and fool around with me. This blog is fantastic and you are one hell of a writer. I will be returning!

I've been a blogger for years and have read thousands and thousands of blogs. Some of them have been fantastic and some of them have sucked big time. I mean, REALLY sucked. I have decided to start this blog review site so that I can do something with the amount of blog reading that I do.

To get the ball rolling, I'm going to go out and randomly select blogs to review until word gets out and then people can request a critique from yours truly.

Sensitive people beware: If your blog is crap, I'm going to come right out and tell you so. I have high standards when it comes to appearance and content and will judge you based on what I see. Then, I will offer up some suggestions on ways you can improve your blog to make it suck a lot less.

Sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I am not. All reviews are based on the opinions of Jack-Jack and might not be something you want to hear. Bitch at me in comments if you want to but consider that I will disregard most of it as you just can't argue with opinions.

Let's get this party started.

***To request a blog review by Jack-Jack, drop a comment on this post with your blog url and you'll be added to the waiting list in the order your request was received. Once you've been reviewed, Jack will drop you a comment telling you it's up on the site. And,don't forget your braggin' rights! You can now grab an "I Got Jack'D!" badge for your sidebar!***

The Waiting List:


CeCe

Spicy Bug

Crazed Dreamer

Amy's Bad Groove

Shoo Fly

Grafx Gurl

Soapbox Superstar

Stinky Paw

the "Mind"

A Blonde Blogger

Be The Boy

The Daily Narcissist

Bittersweet Confusion

The Polanski Show who has just coined our new motto...HA HA!

The Thinker